The Zen of Traffic

I know what you're thinking – and before you decry my witty headline, allow me to explain. I'm an average guy, with normal ambitions in life, and I enjoy the same things that you do. I like it when I have to work during December and the traffic is non-existent because everyone else is braving the traffic in Margate or Clifton. I relish the thought of school holidays when the streets of Jo'burg are devoid of morning mayhem. I love weekends when I lie in bed at 8am instead of being accosted by belligerent taxi drivers. See, not so weird then, after all. Just like you I wish the traffic in cities would just go away. But that's not ever going to happen.

So I thought I should accentuate the positive. What is it about a drive to work and back that makes it joyful? Today I made it my goal to find out...

It was an average afternoon on a cold and rainy Tuesday. I work from 7am to 4pm so that I can avoid some of the worst of it (thank you flexi-time). So I head out of the office gates at the stroke of 4:03 and WHOOMPH! Straight into ridiculous thank-you-Eskom-for-the-load-shedding, no-pointsmen-to-be-seen and it's-raining-cats-and-dogs, good ol' Johannesburg traffic. At this point in the average human brain a fairly standard and predictable series of events take place. First, you inwardly wail in horror at the endless trail of metal tracing your journey home. Secondly, you glance around in panic, wondering if there is possibly another way...Please Oh Please! Let there be another way! But no, you have already optimized your route, it's the best it's going to get.

So you are left with two choices: be happy, or be sad. Positive or Negative. Smile or Frown. Ying or Yang (if you are the bunny hugging type of person who reads blogs while listening to the sounds of Buddha Bar IV). Today, in a flurry of optimistic vigour, I chose to be happy.

Here's how I managed to survive the 37km, two hour journey home...and after reading these simple ideas from the average guy, why don't you try them some time?

Drive a good car
The journey is so much better when you can drive in style. I don't mean anything pompous or ridiculously beyond your budget. What I'm talking about is something comfortable, like a favorite pair of winter slippers, that can get you there in a reliable and elegant fashion. Trade in the petrol-guzzler for something easier on the environment and your pocket. Something you can be proud of.

Bring out the inner Ol' Blue Eyes in you
Embarrassing in front of your friends, but ultra fun in the sanctity of your car, singing along to a good song will uplift your spirits and actually do amazing things to the chemicals inside your brain so that you FEEL happier. Choose radio stations with music you like and avoid the doom and gloom of news and traffic reports. Look around you as you sing – there is nothing more hilarious than locking eyes in the rear view mirror with a stranger who's actually singing along to the same song playing on the radio. Try and catch these magically embarrassing moments as you make your way along your journey.

Be utterly polite
Make it your goal to let people in when they indicate. Shrug off the rude, uneducated buffoons cutting you off. Wave cheerfully at taxi drivers (make sure your middle finger is not extended in this gesture, as it could have undesired results).

Stay off the cell phone
I know, I know. You're bored and you want someone to talk to. Bear in mind that talking to yourself is a lot of fun too, and costs so much less than accidentally rear-ending the Porsche because you just had to catch up with your sister halfway through the Gillooly's Interchange. Turn the phone off if you can't control it – it will cause you unnecessary stress.

Flirt with strangers
Now be careful with this one. There's the swift glance in the eye as you head past the interesting person who's noticed you noticing them, and then there's the going too far leering, tongue-lolling blank stare that makes you look like the person who's mother told them to go play in the traffic. You'll know what I mean when you go too far. Just a hint of interest and then off you go your separate ways, forever to remember those fleeting moments in the traffic. If you accidentally drive into their car, don't say I didn't warn you. But try and get their number afterwards...(for insurance reasons, weren't you paying attention earlier?)

There you have it. I tried at least some of these today and I made it home safe and sound and smiling. If you have any ideas of your own that keep you sane in the traffic, please share by commenting below. We need all the help we can get.